Week 15-23 - Haibuno

10 April 2023

Singing tears and joy
first midwestern thunderstorm
“when the rain came down”

A constant holding pattern pursued us to Kansas City. It’s strange how thunder echoes when you are 7000 feet lower hidden amongst the trees. The cloud to ground lightning made the carriage house tremble. Later that night an overwhelming grief combined with an overwhelming joy. A brief return to the land of melancholia.

“When the rain came down, there was no one else around
I could feel my feet being swallowed by the ground
Every step I take, I am life, I am life”
(Lyrics by Happy Rhodes)

11 April 2023

Drive back home is long
Kansas covered in Jesus
swarming in speed traps

It seemed like every 20 miles or so there was a sign with cracker Jesus saying “I trust in you”. The cops were swarming. It’s the most dangerous road in Kansas, or so they say. Nothing redeeming about it. The thing is, I don’t trust you. The you that is a ghost of a former someone that meant something at some time.

12 April 2023

Living sous vida
full day of soaking kinks out
unlocking sorrow

I found the knot in my hamstring in the lithia pool, under stars obscured by thin clouds. I thought it would have worked itself out by then. We had been soaking all day, only pausing to rescue the dog from boarding. She was happy to be back with her feline friends. We were happy to be soaking under invigorating sunshine. The great post-grief unwinding and exhaustion finally begins.

13 April 2023

Hummer feeder up
there have been sightings in town

Local wisdom states that the hummingbirds return on tax day. The feeders go up early to make sure we don’t miss any enthusiastic arrivals. They’ve been spotted in town, it’s only a matter of time. We eagerly await the return of the tiny feet that bring joy and entertainment. Their U shaped aerial maneuvers signaling another round of new life springing forth.

14 April 2023

First hummer arrives
male black chinned with thirst for life
peeking from Pinon

Our first friend has returned. That didn’t take long. Pure joy unfurls. The male black chinned hummingbird races around the house, and then ends of face down on the feeder. Spring is really here. Finally. Life still re/turning.

15 April 2023

They are in and gone
gotta be quick or risk miss
driving home empty

The spring rush to get things in the ground is on. Try to get some straw bales for a garden bed, but no luck, they were in and out like a flash. The other place still has them. A little more expensive. We bite the bullet and plant carrots. But winter has other ideas. It’s being a cantankerous bitch. Never let your guard down!

16 April 2023

Setting policies
prepping garden beds, tired
fruitless abrasion

The waiting game is long past getting old, it’s wrinkled, stale, and completely desiccated.

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Jamie Larson